The Power of the Dominant Pussy

If you ask anyone in a modern-day world about who holds the sexual ‘power’ in a relationship, the majority of people would say it’s the one with the pussy… the female. Because she’s the one who (normally) controls what and when anything is happening to her vagina.
It seems to be the running joke, as we’ve seen in countless standup’ routines and TV/movie comedies. It’s oh so funny how the man is always horny and the woman ‘has a headache’. The man did something stupid so now he’s punished. The man is led by his dick and the woman, by her heart. Etc, etc. If she’s not in the mood, it’s just not happening. It’s this sexual unpredictability that gives women her so-called ‘power’. Let’s look at this further, shall we?

It’s a largely accepted stereotype that men are always horny and will fuck anything, while women are not and will not. This imbalance is oftentimes the foundation of stress and incompatibility in a typical vanilla relationship. But this same imbalance is a critical requirement of creating desire within a sexual femdom relationship. Supply and demand. Basic. It doesn’t matter WHY it is what it is. It doesn’t matter that women are turned on by what they FEEL and men are generally turned on by what they SEE. Venus Mars shit here, nothing new. Marriage counselors can retire on this principal alone.
But while vanilla folks whine about it… FLR D/s folks wallow in it.

Recently, I was asked to reinstate an old fuck-buddy type dynamic with someone I’ve known for years. He reached out since was moving away soon and had gnawing regrets about not exploring deeper D/s play with me. I actually enjoyed nakedness with this person and we had a few sexy D/s scenes, but life happens and our time was cut short of delving deeper into his vulnerabilities, as well as his virgin asshole. So when he offered me his attention (and his ass) this time around, I instantly got excited.
One, because he was super fun to fuck, (such a perfect, pretty cock) but also because I want to be the one. His first. It’s the most satisfying feeling there is.
I love the idea of being the person who gives someone their first heavenly experience of something that could otherwise be a total shit show. Let’s be honest here… there are a LOT of dominant people who have NO idea wtf they’re doing. Just go on Fetlife and see for yourself. It’s chock full of submissives with horror stories and near PTSD. It’s appalling. And it’s why I was on there for only 1 day and said nope.

Anyway, I LOVE taking someone’s fear and turning it into lust. I want to crush myths, explain the psychology, expose the nerves, make memories. I want to create and be part of an experience that might never happen for someone. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing crazy, but simply memorable. It’s that kind of intimacy that I crave.
If there was one word to explain why I love this lifestyle, it’s intimacy. I get off on the most personal connection of it all. Which is also what makes THIS type of femdom different from the more abrasive femdom. The interconnection, the sexiness, the desire.
And it’s what happened between me and this man the first time we met several years ago. We had a VERY intimate experience that left him reeling in the most intense subspace, of which he’s still in awe. It’s why we had several sexy times a couple of years after that, and why he’s asked me to go further with him, now.

But after my initial excitement of his most recent request, I had to really think about what it entails. I thought about what I’d gain from this short-term exchange. And why I fell away from him at earlier times. He’s not someone to have any ‘real’ relationship, for multiple reasons, plus he is one of those ‘poly’ folks. (That last part is more of a turn off than Crocs.) But he’s wonderfully curious, respectful, and did I mention he’s got a great cock? So I told him I’d let him know, and I slept on it. Because I was still unsure how much he was willing to actually submit, and not top from the bottom, which is what the majority of ‘submissive’ men ultimately want to do.

Here’s the thing… 99% of men automatically assume that kinky scenes will be the MAIN physical encounter they will share with me, the second they learn I’m a dominant kinkster. The very INSTANT they know I’m into D/s, the idea of an adult loving relationship flies out the window and I’m now the sole provider of all their fantasies, and they assume that my ‘serving’ him is what gets me off.
This belief is totally backwards, and I blame standard femdom porn.
I’m sorry, but who the fuck is serving who, now?
Really? So, one person is doing all the physical work, planning, effort, creativity, energy, muscle strength, tying-untying, balancing, flogging, leading around, etc, while the other person just lays back and ‘lets her do what she wants’, and this is somehow considered the sub serving the domme? Hmm.

This is the thing that truly pisses me off. Men who believe their role is to literally not DO anything… to simply receive all their pleasure and then claim they don’t know what they should do, so they don’t even attempt to do anything. As if they’re inhuman, without feelings, without any clue how to interact with the person they desire. This is what I mean by the domme serving the sub. FFS, this pisses me off.

Sorry, but if you want to just lay around and be ‘done unto’, you either need to pay my ass, or go to another PROFESSIONAL domina. Oh, the naïve subwannabes, if you have a laundry list of shit you want someone to do TO you, you’re looking for scenes, not a true D/s relationship. Gah, I could go on about this forever.
I’m steering myself off into a tangent here, so I’ll pull myself back to the subject at hand. Pussy. I’ll get back to all that power roles some other time.

See, I was on the fence because I know myself. Once I have a nice cock and a soft mouth and tongue at my regular disposal, oh MAN… I’m gonna wear them out! I’m insatiable when I have the circumstances in which to be. I’m perfectly content in a drought, but thirsty as fuck when surrounded by water. When I have something, I WALLOW in that shit!
‘So much sex’ is part of the whole allure. Serving me should be my partner’s goal, and in return, I give him the memories he wants. Win-win. Of course love is part of a serious relationship, but that’s not part of every relationship, and certainly NOT part of this one.
When involved with me, my sub’s desired goal is my personal attention to him. My validation is his desired goal. My pussy is his desired goal. My pleasure is his desired goal. All these things are melded into a sultry dynamic oozing with sensuality and wetness. From the stringy drool of his gaping gagged mouth, to the slipperiness of my swollen hole while getting tongue fucked. All this is MY allure to this dynamic.
And since the sexual chemistry between me and this particular man had been excellent in the past, I said yes. Yes to the next month filled with tons of delicious nakedness and restraints and orgasms (mine) and blindfolds and his sex canal finally stretched and filled with my anatomically-correct rubber cock. Yes.

The truth is, I am attracted to being the object of desire/attraction. It’s almost reactive. I think everyone is far more interested in those who are interested in them, no? I want you to want me. Cheap Trick sang it because it’s universal.
Doesn’t the knowledge of being wanted heighten ones interest? Lust feeds lust. It’s a circle. My philosophy is that people should yearn for each other. People should want experiences to happen, whatever they may be. Everyone should WANT what they want, and they should want TO want. It’s part of the exchange. To allow and examine one’s desire. Half-assedness is how the regular world functions, and it’s got NO place in situations that I choose.

Submissives should YEARN. Fueled by their desire for… physical sensations / praise / acceptance / pleasure / validation / nurturing / emotional satisfaction. They should feel compelled to interact with me on a deeper level. And because creating desire is my prime directive, I feed off that yearning in a symbiotic manner. And at the very center of this desire and intimacy… is my vagina. Because without its involvement, there is no true intimacy. Period.

Now, others may judge their connection to one another on other things, such as common interests or goals or backgrounds, etc. Some people can have less-than-great sexual chemistry and STILL manage to create a physical connection of which they’re content. Not me.
If I’m to have ANY sexual relationship with someone, my pussy is at the center of it. It’s where our most primitive sexual connection resides. It’s from where my femininity stems, the apex of our intimacy. It’s where I can receive and not have to give. It’s the most sacred, private area that is reserved for the most special of people. And it should be valued as such.
This is a popular shared idea among those in our sect of BDSM. And why pussy worship is a commonly-required activity. It’s termed WORSHP, because of all the reasons I just listed. To worship is to show devotion and adoration. When we are enamored with something, we want to KNOW everything about it. We want to immerse ourselves in it.

On a physical level, we express this curiosity and excitement when we kiss each other passionately. We explore our mouths, softly, aggressively, lingeringly. We delve into each other with our tongues, feeling the softness and wetness, learning about the other person with every lap or thrust. Caressing flesh and teeth and lips. Breathing breath and feeling as if you can climb into one another. Making note of the reaction of the other person, their taste, their vulnerability. Good god, do our minds wander when we have passionate make-out sessions. Rest assured that both parties are thinking about genitals when we tongue fuck each other’s mouths. It’s why making out is such excellent foreplay.

So, stereotype or not, the truth is that the vagina holds the ultimate power, and it should be treated as such. A glorious dominant pussy can and should be her sub’s reward… but it can also be his punishment. Access to it is the commodity used to negotiate, and a wise domme knows this well.
It is the door, the entrance, the gate to the most divine. My partners understand that eating my pussy is the most basic, non-negotiable activity we’ll share. It will ALWAYS be expected prior to ANY other sexual activity, and oftentimes immediately after we meet. As much as I love cock, I will never engage in any actual vaginal sex, or will I touch his bare cock or ass unless I am tended to first. There can be no sexual relationship without it. I’ll tease until we’re both dripping, but nothing is really happening until his face is between my thighs for a lengthy period of time.

So, I agree, and on our third meeting, we’re vaxxed (and still tested) so we can kiss and get sloppy. I’m a germaphobe and he’s proven to be SUPER clean, so it’s like our pre-pandemic days. And there’s grinding and kissing, clothed cock stroking and teasing. Pinning and scratching, sexiness and nakedness. It’s familiar, he’s familiar.
I’m quite confident in both my body and my actions, and I like being admired, even when it’s from inches away. Surely soft caresses and stares, light thigh kisses and hot breath on my ass is the precursor to a wide wet tongue on my slippery pink skin, as it’s been in the past. Surely, he must be teasing himself when I’ve given him the all-clear. His hesitancy is new, but I’ll allow it for now, however, my patience is wearing thin.

Hours go by, and before we take a break from our entanglement he asks if I’m going to fuck him in his ass that night. I laugh. Um, no, we build up to that over the course of the next month. He knows this. We eat snacks, talk, browse videos, and I can’t keep my hands off him. So I stroke his lovely tool while he speaks of serious things. And finally, he stops talking when the point is reached where he wants to pounce.
He asks if we can fuck. I make him tell me what he wants.
* I enjoy making my bois verbalize their lust for me… giving them the OK to tell me how horny they are. I want to hear how badly they want me. It’s especially fun when they’re shy and it’s not natural. I have him repeat himself, yet I don’t move.
‘Good’, I say, ‘I want to straddle you, but it’s conditional, hun’.

I’m confused that he expects penetration without feasting on my body first. This person who asked me to join him for our third go-round in 6 years, the same person with whom I’ve smothered with my crotch leaving him gasping for air, on multiple occasions. The man who knows my body intimately and whose tongue has been in every hole. Who knows how I operate. Who I’ve collared, spanked, slapped, tied up, milked, humiliated, choked, and fucked for hours.
He looks at his hand, his thumb buried inside my pussy and says, ‘Ahh, yes, I need to make you wet, yes’. He proceeds to drip spit onto his hand on my crotch and stares longingly at my body.
‘Fuck, I’d love to taste you’.
‘Then, do it! What the fuck are you waiting for?’
‘Because I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because my rule.’

My hand was massaging his rock-hard, freshly-condomed cock, which I was dying to mount. I let go of him immediately. This is where one would hear a record scratch and then crickets if it were a sitcom.
Ahh… here it is. NOW it all made sense. The reason we haven’t fucked 15 ways til Sunday 3 hours ago because he’s hasn’t asked/attempted to put his mouth on me.
Ohhhh, your rule. I see. You can’t break your new rule. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, you thought you told me? Yeah no. Wait, rule about what, now? Of not exchanging bodily fluids. Ohhhh….. right. Why the fuck?
So wait a minute, let me get this straight, person who has known me for YEARS.
Who made a rule where you can’t exchange fluids, but you can spit on my pussy?

Here we are at a standstill with his brand new rule… that he unilaterally created… withOUT telling me. A rule he conveniently forgot to mention when we asked me to be part of his sexy kinky world again… a rule he didn’t mention when we planned this night to be the first of many naked evenings.
A rule that slipped his mind after I brought over a bag of toys and restraints and cages the visit prior. Or the pg-rated visit prior to that.
A ‘rule’ he specifically created so he can have very infrequent vanilla sex with another women he sees once a month. A ‘rule’ he made to pacify her so she’d ‘allow’ him to fuck me, since he met her just a few weeks earlier than when he reached out to me this time around. The me who lives directly across the street from him and sees him once a week, at least, who he’s known for years and who he’s ASKED back.

Oh, you selfish little man. You want ALL the cake? Your way? Ugh.
Well, that’s unfortunate. All of it.
Unfortunate that he lied to me, because he KNEW that I’d never even give his proposal one nanosecond of consideration if he had told me his mouth wouldn’t be touching me. He KNEW that I may not have even allowed him to worship my feet and stroke my legs when we were still masked and seated apart on the couch on the two prior visits. He knew there would have not been ANY visits if I had known about this.

And that was the end of that.
I calmly told him that this was unacceptable because he knows better. He swore up and down that he told me (he knows he didn’t) and he sadly got dressed. I gathered my things from the floor and couch, fridge and counter, and explained how disappointed I am in him, as a person. To be so manipulative and small. Reminding him it was he who called ME back to spend more time with me for very specific reasons. I hugged him goodbye, wished him luck, and that was that.
Then I proceeded to thank myself for having my own ‘rule’.
Where I come first.
Literally and figuratively.

It’s only a matter of time before I hear from him once again, probably right before he leaves or perhaps once he’s settled. Most likely with an apology and yet another confession of regret for crappy decisions he’s made regarding my involvement in his life.
Is he a submissive? Absolutely not. Could he behave submissively? Yes.
Were his intentions real when he wanted to reconnect? I think so.
Was he confused as to the way I work? Yes, though I can’t understand why.
Because in his insistence to be in total control of himself and the situation this time, he inadvertently gave the power to the vanilla chick he JUST met. I mean really, she should be wielding the crop.
I will NEVER give ANYONE an angry ultimatum. If I’m not chosen, then I don’t belong there.

And life goes on.

The Best Way to Be Eaten

If you’re following this blog, then I’m assuming you’re already into the D/s or Female Led-lifestyle, which is centered around the needs and decisions of a dominant woman. If you’re visiting this page out of the blue, you probably arrived because of my catchy headline.
How you got here is irrelevant, you’re here to read my opinion on the best way to eat pussy for HER benefit, so let’s go.

As dominant as I am, and as most self-proclaimed dominant females are, we tend to take control of most things, especially sex. We like to control the situation for the most part, and one of the perks about this is being on the RECEIVING end of as much pleasure we can handle, whenever we want it. We enjoy having our pussy eaten as much as we like breathing, and we’re not shy about letting our person know.

In fact, pussy worship is often a stipulation in most D/s contracts and agreements, as the act requires very little physical accommodations, and if your mouth works, you’ve got no excuse. Oral sex is pretty doable just about anywhere since it usually ‘leaves no trace’ and doesn’t HAVE to take a lot of time, which is super convenient for those occasions when you don’t have a lot of time.

But when you DO have the time to do it right, to take things slow, to make it matter… you should.
There are various positions to get the job done here, and people will forever argue about which one is best… BUT when it comes to making the experience 100% about HER, where she doesn’t need to control anything… when she’s not required to think or do ANYTHING… there is only ONE position, and that is reclined, face up.

Laying supine gives women the opportunity to totally relax her entire body and just RECEIVE. When we’re this comfortable, the only thing we have to do is FEEL, and all our attention can focus on the delectable, warm softness of a talented mouth and tongue.
Only in this position can we allow ourselves to be moved, spread wide, grabbed, caressed, fingered, visually admired, kissed, etc. And since our hands are free, we can use them to stroke or grab his hair or touch his shoulders, to touch ourselves, whatever. Since we’re not using all kinds of muscle strength that would otherwise cause us to expend our energy, we can focus on what we feel and let him know by speaking to him. We can tell him what to do or that he’s such a good boy (they LOVE that)… and we can HEAR what he’s actually SAYING when he speaks (if he’s allowed to). 

Yes, we love to see women face-sitting, queening, grinding, and otherwise being in control, so mighty and powerful, by perching on a face. It’s a power exchange and hot as fuck to watch. This almighty display of control serves a purpose and can be fucking unbelievable, as we get to move however we wish. Utilizing his entire face, nose and chin, mustache or beard, however we want as we smear and flow our juices onto the mouth and whole face of a head under our ass. That position serves itself for a variety of reasons. Especially if the face under our ass is restrained and hasn’t a choice in the matter, and only to be used as the woman’s plaything, her source of pleasure and everything is entirely up to her and how she wants it.

This face-sitting position also happens to be more beneficial if the face under our ass isn’t good at eating pussy. Which is an abomination, since eating pussy CAN BE TAUGHT, SO THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR LOUSY CUNNILINGUS!!
If the sub is disappointingly inept at going down, she can gyrate her hips enough to use the nose and basically any other protrusions (tongue, chin) and his saliva to get herself off, without much need for the mouth to be great.
*However, inadequacy is still a FUCKING shame and unacceptable in this age of information, where there are thousands of tutorials on ‘how to’ in every form of media.

As I was saying, being reclined… we’re on the receiving end and can grab hair, moving the giving face/head wherever we want, and we can gyrate our hips around and still remain in the near vicinity of where we began. That’s really all we need to do, and it’s fantastic.
But we can also watch. We can elevate our backs and head enough to view the interaction between the most intimate part of our bodies and that mouth. Usually with a shit-eating grin.

Being eaten while on our backs lessens the distractions of our knees getting fucked up, carpet burns, becoming exhausted from using our quads to remain in a position that ATTEMPTS to keeps our crotch centered where it should be, when gravity and gyrations makes us move all over. Not to mention keeping our balance the whole time, trying to not accidentally smother and kill the person we want to tongue-fuck us. That toppy position brings about the harsh realization that we’ve got to seriously work out the muscles we didn’t even know we had, and to a degree that makes us question why we chose that position to begin with. So yeah, thinking and doing ALL this, while trying to ENJOY it at the same time is not optimal.

Look, I’m a dominant chickita, and I love to mount my subjects when the mood and opportunity is what I want… but for the sake of simply being WORSHIPED, letting someone GIVE their time, energy and focus to lap, suck, tongue-fuck, finger, spread, grab, caress, kiss, and all that can possibly go down while going down… while they cramp their neck and tire their tongue for as long as she wants…. is the optimal way to go.
Lay back and let the bliss happen. Literally.

Unless it’s bad.
In which case, you slowly grab his hair in your fist, pull up his face, tell him what he’s doing wrong, (possibly give it a smack after telling him the second time), and make sure he LISTENS and HEARS what you expect from his mouth to make you come again and again.
It also helps to keep his cock bound/locked IF he’s not great at eating pussy. Because hes NEVER going to improve if he’s always ready to pounce and fuck you.

We have heard the whines of how tired his tongue gets or how cramped his neck might be. waaaaaa
So? He should never let that happen… BUT if he does, move him to the edge of a bed where he can get on his knees, wrap your legs over his shoulders and his head and neck can remain in the natural position(s).
Or put some pillows under your hips so he can lay on his stomach propped on his elbows and feast while his head is generally in the natural position.
Or lay head to toe next to him, put a pillow under your ass, and allow only his torso to cross you at the hips. His head will again, only need to bend down.
Or have him lay on his side head to toe, and drape one leg over his shoulder, so he can reach you that way.

There’s no excuse for a cramped neck. Yeah, ergonomics should be considered, but um… this is his job, so I don’t have a whole lot of empathy if he’s a whiner.
And as far as a tired tongue… well, that’s just because it’s not happening enough. If he’s new to the frequency or length of worship sessions, then he just needs to practice. Either up the frequency, or have him practice within his own mouth while driving or at the computer, wherever. The tongue is a muscle.
Again, there’s no excuse for shitty head, especially after it becomes a regular part of life.

This is my opinion, like every other one of my rants, but physics are fact. As sexy as all the other positions may seem, and as much she can use his mouth to make her moan in nearly any circumstance, think about the intent when you have the time.

Dominants don’t need to dominate to be in control.
♥

How to Stroke Her Right – Massage

MEN, a high-level deed to express appreciation and care for your partner is by giving her a basic, loving, relaxing body rub/massage. And though therapeutic massage is a specifically learned skill, this type of touch is NOT that difficult to do.
It undoubtedly comes more naturally to females due to our instinctual mama bone, but I’m STILL in awe of how inept most men are at doing this. I get that lengthy non-sexual touch is generally foreign to you, but daaaamn… you poor men are in need of some serious help.
I hate to say this, but most of your ‘massages’ feel like we’re a dog being pet by a toddler baby. What are earth are you guys doing?

So look, there are literally thousands of ‘how to touch’ instructional videos all over the internet. Non-sexual, loving, relaxing, MINDFUL touch. I don’t need to list them here, as you only need to search ‘relaxing massage for your partner’, or ‘amateur massage for couples’, etc. Please find a few, watch them CLOSELY, and then reenact them. Maybe on a pillow first. Or your thighs. I don’t know.

When you study these videos, notice how  S L O W  they’re moving… and look how L O N G  the strokes are. Sometimes they’re the entire length of her body. It’s sensual and flowing. They don’t keep taking their hands off every two seconds. And they don’t repeat little movements in the same spot. Are you seeing that?

We know you mean well, but you have to keep reminding yourself that this entire activity is about HER and HER ONLY. She shouldn’t be dictating what to do or controlling you in any way. She SHOULD be relaxing.
You have the honor of showing her how valuable you are to what you have together. That you’re continuously learning and strive to improve yourself to be better for you as a couple. You already know this is one of the many reasons you’re in this with her, so embrace it and let it grow you.

When you massage her, use coconut oil or another natural lightweight oil or massage lotion. The GLIDE is the sexiness here, but you do NOT want to use so much oil that it’s slippery. You need SOME friction to create a little drag across the skin.
Be conscious to do what might initially feel unnatural to you, because what the majority of men believe feels good to women, actually feels like you are:
1. trying not to get cooties from us …OR
2. anxiously waiting for the massage to be over because you’re so awkward at it and you’re praying we want it to be over soon or switch to sex instead.

The manner in which you manage to pick up and squeeze chunks of our flesh that are NOT supposed to come off our bones, defies physiological rules… and how you LOVE to repeat small circles of friction with one hand on the SAME area of our skin over and over is completely baffling. Wtf are you doing?? You squish and squash and poke us in ways I can’t even fathom why you could ever think those actions could possibly feel good. Your mind is somewhere else and it’s obvious.

A mindful rubdown/massage is all about hand-to-body contact, so OPEN UP and SOFTEN YOUR ENTIRE HAND. Use the entire surface your PALM, not just your fingers and use oil or lotion to create the perfect amount of slippery, get your mind off of what’s in it for you, and pleasantly surprise the shit out of us.

This has been another submissive reality check.
You’re welcomed. 
♥

Are You Jerking Off Right Now?

The quote below was written by Thorbbc4hotwife on Tumblr years ago. He was a very popular BBC bull from Vegas and shared his adventures with the world on Tumblr and Twitter. Though his Tumblr page is gone and he’s not been seen online since 2017, some of his images are still floating around the web on swinger, hotwife, and cuckold sites. The cool thing about him was that he was very real and intelligent. Beneath his quote are my comments from my Tumblr repost years ago, after which he wrote and thanked me for the good word. Not many people READ nsfw Tumblr, so it was lovely when people appreciated each others’ minds.
I repost this his words with respect. ♥

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thorbbc4hotwife:

” I’ll probably lose some followers with this post but I figure most people are only here for pictures and hardly ever read what I write anyway, so here goes…

A little masturbation now and then can be healthy. However, chronic masturbation can wreak havoc on your body and your mind. These days, married men have 24/7 access to images and high definition videos of every type of sexual kink. If you’re into Asian grannies in pantyhose, it’s just a click away. Unfortunately, you are on bull/hotwife blog so if cuckolding is what you truly desire, different rules apply to you.

Let’s call a duck a duck, chronic masturbation is selfish and does absolutely nothing for your wife. As a matter of fact, spending hours on the Internet jerking to other women will likely make you think less of your wife, sexually. You start to see your wife as a mom, a partner, a housekeeper a roommate- any and everything but a sexual goddess.
Your ability to cum whenever and wherever you want takes power away from your wife and it can do permanent damage to her self esteem.
The worse she feels, the less sex she wants to have. It’s a vicious cycle that can spin out of control and put a ridiculous amount of stress on your relationship.

Or, you could take a 180 degree turn in the other direction and finally get that hotwife you’ve always dreamed about. Chances are, your wife isn’t ready for you to set up a date with a BBC. However, I’m sure she’s caught you jerking before.
What if you told her that you wanted to stop jerking for a week or so (maybe while she is out of town) and you wanted her help? Tell her you bought a cock cage that you saw on the Internet and you wanted her to have the key.
I’m just brainstorming here, but it seems like a way to gradually introduce your wife to cuckolding without freaking her out. I’d guess that most wives would jump at the chance to have some control over your ability to masturbate.

You know your wife better than me (for now), but I’m sure she already knows what you are doing late at night. If you were really just up late working as much as you say, you would have had 10 raises by now. Try having a conversation about being locked for a week or so and let me know how it goes.
Baby steps.

@thorbbc4hotwife ~ 2016 “

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♦ Thor is not just a bull with a blog. He’s educated, mature, and respectful. He’s good at what he does, and blogs his ‘alt lifestyle’ with a sense of humility and groundedness, so that others might be able to get a glimpse of what he does from HIS perspective, and realize that most of what we see on screen is pretty much bullshit.

And like myself, I feel he wants to provide some insight to the reality of his lifestyle, and hopefully people will come away from his blog having learned a little something.
Being a Keyholder for much more than strictly kink purposes, I couldn’t help but repost this.  I don’t ‘follow’ his blog, but I DO ‘check in’ every so often.
I’ve great respect for him and others like him. 
TY for your mind, Thor. 
♥ ~T  2016

Would you domme me over text?

wolfer13: Hey mistress

wolfer13: Could it be possible for you to be my domme over text?

thebeautyofcontrol: And why would I want to do that?

wolfer13: Ill be obedient and do anything u say

thebeautyofcontrol: Again, why would I want to do that?

This exchange happened a lot. A typical message from a particular demographic. The newer-to-the-scene men who are filled with suddenly-recognized closeted male fantasy.

I realize most people don’t understand that self-professed dominant women are inundated with messages like these all. the. time… regardless of the medium. And for the most part, we can’t stand them.
We wouldn’t be so indifferent about it if the site were a site where such an exchange were welcomed or even expected (like a flirty site or Fetlife or any of the PAY to play sites), but these messages roll in no matter where we are in the infinite interwebz. And the typical response from us is usually an eye roll and a delete.

I’m not pissed off, just exhausted of these messages. Most of us (dominant women) share this exact experience on any and ALL of our social media sites and/or chat apps and/or blogs.
These places are supposed to be my personal corners of the web to express my love of the various aspects of the lifestyle, and they often complimented my business side when I was pro. I typically respond to most of my messages when I’m spoken to as a person and not a service. I’ve made actual friends through polite chat that created a bigger dialogue. And from there I now know people who I can call friend, and whose couch I can crash should I venture into their neck of the woods.

For the most part, I’m NOT an angry person (unless the sex is unnecessarily bad).
You don’t need to be a cunt to be strong.
I subscribe to the idea that you catch more flies with honey, however I have little tolerance for stupidity. I always offered advice and answered any questions about my opinion or truths as I understood them to be, and I always welcomed questions. I’m in my 50s and have been in the adult scene, in many different areas, for DECADES… so I honestly want to HELP and share my experience and knowledge.

But there is always something about these messages that immediately irk me.
I had to think about as to why I feel this way, and the best word I can describe it is ‘insulting’.
As if the sender believes I literally have nothing better to do, or perhaps they really believe they’re the ‘special one’ I’ll choose to play with. And I’ll do so without them giving me ANY reason whatsoever, other than they asked me to help with their fantasy.

I understand that these men may truly not realize how offputting these requests are, despite our vehement, public complaints of this very thing… all over our blogs and sites. I mean, we (dommes) address this over and over and over. And for anyone who follows ANY of the many femdom blogs or sites out there, you learned that this was NOT what you do.

This fact gave me more frustration than anything because it exposed how new and unknowing and unlearned these men were… that they didn’t read or study up, or read the writings of enough any dominant females to know better.
If they knew even the tiniest thing, the most basic thing… it was that submissives OFFER something to a domme.
A true submissive asks what he can GIVE.
And that is why I asked, ‘why would I do that?’
In other words, explain to me why I should choose to do whatever you believe I’ll do, with YOU? Convince me.
What makes YOU special or different than everyone else?
Why are you asking ME?
What makes ME special? My writing? My age? My perspective on the D/s dynamic? My pictures?
Tell me the reasons that you deserve my attention?
How are we compatible? How will this be a symbiotic relationship?

No? Nothing? You literally have NO reason to convince me other than you’ll be a dumb puppet and do ‘anything’ I say.
Because no, you won’t. You won’t do ‘anything’ I say. How insane is that?

And how do you even know what I would say, anyway? Have you read my entire bio and professional pages?
Have you read what I’ve written? Have you ever chatted with me so you understand how I domme?
Have you any other questions for me? Have you any interest in my years doing remote domination and keyholding?
And there’s nothing concerning to you?
But you DID read that I am a PROFESSIONAL, right? Which means people PAY me to do what you’re asking. So, are you asking as a client or as a favor?

And wait, do you mean financially, too? Hmm?
You wanna be my little piggy bitch boi?
No, you don’t.
Do you mean you’ll publicly humiliate yourself because I simply asked you?
You mean you’ll do whatever I tell you, even at your work?
No, you don’t.
No. You will certainly NOT do ‘anything I say’. So don’t type that shit, because it’s a lie.

And even though that was a lot of thought right there… I knew within a nanosecond, that this person was only typing because ‘why not’.
This message was most likely bulk-sent to anyone that identified as dominant.
This is not a message from anyone who knows the scene or is a subscriber to things related to the scene, or could even consider himself to be a submissive. And THAT, I suppose is the TRUE turn-off.

These feel like messages from someone in the old AOL chat rooms of the late 90s/early 00s, where you rolled the dice and asked ANYONE to play with you after asking the ASL of everyone in the room. The internet was still new then and people became cyber deviants with this new outlet. Those rooms created sex-obsessed idiots… but that’s another post for another time.

Back to the message. So, my whole thought process happens in a split second, and I think ‘hun, just stop. Go bother someone who is as new as you are or inconceivably bored… because those are the ONLY people who will take you up on your offer to… wait… what are you offering?’
Tell me again, WHY would I want to do that?

Aside from the person being ignorant, (I stand by my label due to the multitude of various femdom sites and blogs in which to learn basic submissive ‘protocol’), my guess as to why we will continue to receive these messages, is that the men are typing the same message to ANYONE and are shooting for an odds win.
Maybe this system has worked for them before and they’re just going with what they know. Or maybe it’s NEVER worked, but they’re still hoping that one day it will.

And perhaps I’m taking this way too seriously, because it’s not just a game to me. Maybe I need to lighten up and be ‘fun’. I mean, there’s no harm intended with these messages, right?
Yeah, I suppose that’s true.
But I feel like I’m constantly in a weird and difficult position just by being me. But when I’m approached specifically BECAUSE I’m a dominant woman, I expect to be addressed as a dominant. And that means the sender should message me in the manner a submissive should.
I mean, the ONLY reason I receive these messages is SOLELY because of my ‘title’. They want something from me. Period.

These men are not asking me out for coffee. These aren’t ‘Hello, how are you doing this afternoon?’ messages. This isn’t a ‘get to know Taryn’ chat.
This is strictly ‘Hey, you wanna help get me off?’
To these men, I literally could be ANYONE.

These messages are ALMOST as cringy as meeting someone at a social gathering and having them find out what I do/am.
Without fail, the convo is ALWAYS this:
“Whoa, so you’re like a dominatrix? (gives me a stupid-assed weird smile)
So what would you do with me?” (gives me a stupid-assed chuckle that’s actually nervous laughter and ends with a disgusting smirk)
Hmm… nothing at all, fucktard. As if I could EVER qualify the IDEA of doing ANYTHING with you other than getting far far away from you. Ugh.

Anyway, look, if you’re requesting a dominant to behave as a dominant, you MUST present yourself as a submissive. The keywords to behaving as a submissive is respect and service; prepare to explain how you (as a sub) can offer those two things (to a domme).
Anything else is shallow male fantasy and you’re topping from the bottom, dude.

But ya know, the internet is a HUGE place… and in the spirit of optimism, I truly wish them luck in finding whatever they’re after. And maybe they will.
But I also wish that my explanation above helps satisfy some of their confusion when they don’t. Because despite sending out a fuck ton of those silly messages to every female that looks dominant, chances are pretty damn high that she’s just gonna roll her eyes and hit delete.

~ T ♥