The Power of the Dominant Pussy

If you ask anyone in a modern-day world about who holds the sexual ‘power’ in a relationship, the majority of people would say it’s the one with the pussy… the female. Because she’s the one who (normally) controls what and when anything is happening to her vagina.
It seems to be the running joke, as we’ve seen in countless standup’ routines and TV/movie comedies. It’s oh so funny how the man is always horny and the woman ‘has a headache’. The man did something stupid so now he’s punished. The man is led by his dick and the woman, by her heart. Etc, etc. If she’s not in the mood, it’s just not happening. It’s this sexual unpredictability that gives women her so-called ‘power’. Let’s look at this further, shall we?

It’s a largely accepted stereotype that men are always horny and will fuck anything, while women are not and will not. This imbalance is oftentimes the foundation of stress and incompatibility in a typical vanilla relationship. But this same imbalance is a critical requirement of creating desire within a sexual femdom relationship. Supply and demand. Basic. It doesn’t matter WHY it is what it is. It doesn’t matter that women are turned on by what they FEEL and men are generally turned on by what they SEE. Venus Mars shit here, nothing new. Marriage counselors can retire on this principal alone.
But while vanilla folks whine about it… FLR D/s folks wallow in it.

Recently, I was asked to reinstate an old fuck-buddy type dynamic with someone I’ve known for years. He reached out since was moving away soon and had gnawing regrets about not exploring deeper D/s play with me. I actually enjoyed nakedness with this person and we had a few sexy D/s scenes, but life happens and our time was cut short of delving deeper into his vulnerabilities, as well as his virgin asshole. So when he offered me his attention (and his ass) this time around, I instantly got excited.
One, because he was super fun to fuck, (such a perfect, pretty cock) but also because I want to be the one. His first. It’s the most satisfying feeling there is.
I love the idea of being the person who gives someone their first heavenly experience of something that could otherwise be a total shit show. Let’s be honest here… there are a LOT of dominant people who have NO idea wtf they’re doing. Just go on Fetlife and see for yourself. It’s chock full of submissives with horror stories and near PTSD. It’s appalling. And it’s why I was on there for only 1 day and said nope.

Anyway, I LOVE taking someone’s fear and turning it into lust. I want to crush myths, explain the psychology, expose the nerves, make memories. I want to create and be part of an experience that might never happen for someone. It doesn’t have to be mind-blowing crazy, but simply memorable. It’s that kind of intimacy that I crave.
If there was one word to explain why I love this lifestyle, it’s intimacy. I get off on the most personal connection of it all. Which is also what makes THIS type of femdom different from the more abrasive femdom. The interconnection, the sexiness, the desire.
And it’s what happened between me and this man the first time we met several years ago. We had a VERY intimate experience that left him reeling in the most intense subspace, of which he’s still in awe. It’s why we had several sexy times a couple of years after that, and why he’s asked me to go further with him, now.

But after my initial excitement of his most recent request, I had to really think about what it entails. I thought about what I’d gain from this short-term exchange. And why I fell away from him at earlier times. He’s not someone to have any ‘real’ relationship, for multiple reasons, plus he is one of those ‘poly’ folks. (That last part is more of a turn off than Crocs.) But he’s wonderfully curious, respectful, and did I mention he’s got a great cock? So I told him I’d let him know, and I slept on it. Because I was still unsure how much he was willing to actually submit, and not top from the bottom, which is what the majority of ‘submissive’ men ultimately want to do.

Here’s the thing… 99% of men automatically assume that kinky scenes will be the MAIN physical encounter they will share with me, the second they learn I’m a dominant kinkster. The very INSTANT they know I’m into D/s, the idea of an adult loving relationship flies out the window and I’m now the sole provider of all their fantasies, and they assume that my ‘serving’ him is what gets me off.
This belief is totally backwards, and I blame standard femdom porn.
I’m sorry, but who the fuck is serving who, now?
Really? So, one person is doing all the physical work, planning, effort, creativity, energy, muscle strength, tying-untying, balancing, flogging, leading around, etc, while the other person just lays back and ‘lets her do what she wants’, and this is somehow considered the sub serving the domme? Hmm.

This is the thing that truly pisses me off. Men who believe their role is to literally not DO anything… to simply receive all their pleasure and then claim they don’t know what they should do, so they don’t even attempt to do anything. As if they’re inhuman, without feelings, without any clue how to interact with the person they desire. This is what I mean by the domme serving the sub. FFS, this pisses me off.

Sorry, but if you want to just lay around and be ‘done unto’, you either need to pay my ass, or go to another PROFESSIONAL domina. Oh, the naïve subwannabes, if you have a laundry list of shit you want someone to do TO you, you’re looking for scenes, not a true D/s relationship. Gah, I could go on about this forever.
I’m steering myself off into a tangent here, so I’ll pull myself back to the subject at hand. Pussy. I’ll get back to all that power roles some other time.

See, I was on the fence because I know myself. Once I have a nice cock and a soft mouth and tongue at my regular disposal, oh MAN… I’m gonna wear them out! I’m insatiable when I have the circumstances in which to be. I’m perfectly content in a drought, but thirsty as fuck when surrounded by water. When I have something, I WALLOW in that shit!
‘So much sex’ is part of the whole allure. Serving me should be my partner’s goal, and in return, I give him the memories he wants. Win-win. Of course love is part of a serious relationship, but that’s not part of every relationship, and certainly NOT part of this one.
When involved with me, my sub’s desired goal is my personal attention to him. My validation is his desired goal. My pussy is his desired goal. My pleasure is his desired goal. All these things are melded into a sultry dynamic oozing with sensuality and wetness. From the stringy drool of his gaping gagged mouth, to the slipperiness of my swollen hole while getting tongue fucked. All this is MY allure to this dynamic.
And since the sexual chemistry between me and this particular man had been excellent in the past, I said yes. Yes to the next month filled with tons of delicious nakedness and restraints and orgasms (mine) and blindfolds and his sex canal finally stretched and filled with my anatomically-correct rubber cock. Yes.

The truth is, I am attracted to being the object of desire/attraction. It’s almost reactive. I think everyone is far more interested in those who are interested in them, no? I want you to want me. Cheap Trick sang it because it’s universal.
Doesn’t the knowledge of being wanted heighten ones interest? Lust feeds lust. It’s a circle. My philosophy is that people should yearn for each other. People should want experiences to happen, whatever they may be. Everyone should WANT what they want, and they should want TO want. It’s part of the exchange. To allow and examine one’s desire. Half-assedness is how the regular world functions, and it’s got NO place in situations that I choose.

Submissives should YEARN. Fueled by their desire for… physical sensations / praise / acceptance / pleasure / validation / nurturing / emotional satisfaction. They should feel compelled to interact with me on a deeper level. And because creating desire is my prime directive, I feed off that yearning in a symbiotic manner. And at the very center of this desire and intimacy… is my vagina. Because without its involvement, there is no true intimacy. Period.

Now, others may judge their connection to one another on other things, such as common interests or goals or backgrounds, etc. Some people can have less-than-great sexual chemistry and STILL manage to create a physical connection of which they’re content. Not me.
If I’m to have ANY sexual relationship with someone, my pussy is at the center of it. It’s where our most primitive sexual connection resides. It’s from where my femininity stems, the apex of our intimacy. It’s where I can receive and not have to give. It’s the most sacred, private area that is reserved for the most special of people. And it should be valued as such.
This is a popular shared idea among those in our sect of BDSM. And why pussy worship is a commonly-required activity. It’s termed WORSHP, because of all the reasons I just listed. To worship is to show devotion and adoration. When we are enamored with something, we want to KNOW everything about it. We want to immerse ourselves in it.

On a physical level, we express this curiosity and excitement when we kiss each other passionately. We explore our mouths, softly, aggressively, lingeringly. We delve into each other with our tongues, feeling the softness and wetness, learning about the other person with every lap or thrust. Caressing flesh and teeth and lips. Breathing breath and feeling as if you can climb into one another. Making note of the reaction of the other person, their taste, their vulnerability. Good god, do our minds wander when we have passionate make-out sessions. Rest assured that both parties are thinking about genitals when we tongue fuck each other’s mouths. It’s why making out is such excellent foreplay.

So, stereotype or not, the truth is that the vagina holds the ultimate power, and it should be treated as such. A glorious dominant pussy can and should be her sub’s reward… but it can also be his punishment. Access to it is the commodity used to negotiate, and a wise domme knows this well.
It is the door, the entrance, the gate to the most divine. My partners understand that eating my pussy is the most basic, non-negotiable activity we’ll share. It will ALWAYS be expected prior to ANY other sexual activity, and oftentimes immediately after we meet. As much as I love cock, I will never engage in any actual vaginal sex, or will I touch his bare cock or ass unless I am tended to first. There can be no sexual relationship without it. I’ll tease until we’re both dripping, but nothing is really happening until his face is between my thighs for a lengthy period of time.

So, I agree, and on our third meeting, we’re vaxxed (and still tested) so we can kiss and get sloppy. I’m a germaphobe and he’s proven to be SUPER clean, so it’s like our pre-pandemic days. And there’s grinding and kissing, clothed cock stroking and teasing. Pinning and scratching, sexiness and nakedness. It’s familiar, he’s familiar.
I’m quite confident in both my body and my actions, and I like being admired, even when it’s from inches away. Surely soft caresses and stares, light thigh kisses and hot breath on my ass is the precursor to a wide wet tongue on my slippery pink skin, as it’s been in the past. Surely, he must be teasing himself when I’ve given him the all-clear. His hesitancy is new, but I’ll allow it for now, however, my patience is wearing thin.

Hours go by, and before we take a break from our entanglement he asks if I’m going to fuck him in his ass that night. I laugh. Um, no, we build up to that over the course of the next month. He knows this. We eat snacks, talk, browse videos, and I can’t keep my hands off him. So I stroke his lovely tool while he speaks of serious things. And finally, he stops talking when the point is reached where he wants to pounce.
He asks if we can fuck. I make him tell me what he wants.
* I enjoy making my bois verbalize their lust for me… giving them the OK to tell me how horny they are. I want to hear how badly they want me. It’s especially fun when they’re shy and it’s not natural. I have him repeat himself, yet I don’t move.
‘Good’, I say, ‘I want to straddle you, but it’s conditional, hun’.

I’m confused that he expects penetration without feasting on my body first. This person who asked me to join him for our third go-round in 6 years, the same person with whom I’ve smothered with my crotch leaving him gasping for air, on multiple occasions. The man who knows my body intimately and whose tongue has been in every hole. Who knows how I operate. Who I’ve collared, spanked, slapped, tied up, milked, humiliated, choked, and fucked for hours.
He looks at his hand, his thumb buried inside my pussy and says, ‘Ahh, yes, I need to make you wet, yes’. He proceeds to drip spit onto his hand on my crotch and stares longingly at my body.
‘Fuck, I’d love to taste you’.
‘Then, do it! What the fuck are you waiting for?’
‘Because I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because my rule.’

My hand was massaging his rock-hard, freshly-condomed cock, which I was dying to mount. I let go of him immediately. This is where one would hear a record scratch and then crickets if it were a sitcom.
Ahh… here it is. NOW it all made sense. The reason we haven’t fucked 15 ways til Sunday 3 hours ago because he’s hasn’t asked/attempted to put his mouth on me.
Ohhhh, your rule. I see. You can’t break your new rule. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, you thought you told me? Yeah no. Wait, rule about what, now? Of not exchanging bodily fluids. Ohhhh….. right. Why the fuck?
So wait a minute, let me get this straight, person who has known me for YEARS.
Who made a rule where you can’t exchange fluids, but you can spit on my pussy?

Here we are at a standstill with his brand new rule… that he unilaterally created… withOUT telling me. A rule he conveniently forgot to mention when we asked me to be part of his sexy kinky world again… a rule he didn’t mention when we planned this night to be the first of many naked evenings.
A rule that slipped his mind after I brought over a bag of toys and restraints and cages the visit prior. Or the pg-rated visit prior to that.
A ‘rule’ he specifically created so he can have very infrequent vanilla sex with another women he sees once a month. A ‘rule’ he made to pacify her so she’d ‘allow’ him to fuck me, since he met her just a few weeks earlier than when he reached out to me this time around. The me who lives directly across the street from him and sees him once a week, at least, who he’s known for years and who he’s ASKED back.

Oh, you selfish little man. You want ALL the cake? Your way? Ugh.
Well, that’s unfortunate. All of it.
Unfortunate that he lied to me, because he KNEW that I’d never even give his proposal one nanosecond of consideration if he had told me his mouth wouldn’t be touching me. He KNEW that I may not have even allowed him to worship my feet and stroke my legs when we were still masked and seated apart on the couch on the two prior visits. He knew there would have not been ANY visits if I had known about this.

And that was the end of that.
I calmly told him that this was unacceptable because he knows better. He swore up and down that he told me (he knows he didn’t) and he sadly got dressed. I gathered my things from the floor and couch, fridge and counter, and explained how disappointed I am in him, as a person. To be so manipulative and small. Reminding him it was he who called ME back to spend more time with me for very specific reasons. I hugged him goodbye, wished him luck, and that was that.
Then I proceeded to thank myself for having my own ‘rule’.
Where I come first.
Literally and figuratively.

It’s only a matter of time before I hear from him once again, probably right before he leaves or perhaps once he’s settled. Most likely with an apology and yet another confession of regret for crappy decisions he’s made regarding my involvement in his life.
Is he a submissive? Absolutely not. Could he behave submissively? Yes.
Were his intentions real when he wanted to reconnect? I think so.
Was he confused as to the way I work? Yes, though I can’t understand why.
Because in his insistence to be in total control of himself and the situation this time, he inadvertently gave the power to the vanilla chick he JUST met. I mean really, she should be wielding the crop.
I will NEVER give ANYONE an angry ultimatum. If I’m not chosen, then I don’t belong there.

And life goes on.